Straight up, this may be difficult to hear but this is the very definition of rape. I don’t care if you don’t have an official safeword (no and stop are always safewords unless stated otherwise), and I don’t care if you like rough sex. You said no and he deliberately violated your consent. He raped you.
You need to end this relationship when you safely can. You need to talk to someone who can help you deal with what happened. You feel guilty and anxious and those are normal reactions for a survivor of sexual assault. Someone you love violated you, and that can seriously fuck with you. Especially in cases where partners rape, we sometimes feel guilty because we love that person and don’t want to think they would hurt us in that way. This is normal, and there’s help for these feelings.
If you can leave him safely, please do. If you can see a therapist, please do. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong, you understand me? He is in the wrong. He hurt you and it’s not okay but you can be safe and get help.
Here are some resources for you in the meantime:
- US: 1.800.656.HOPE
- International Resources
- 24/7 Online Chat Room
- Not Alone: Together Against Sexual Assault
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)
Stay safe, anon. If you need more specific help, feel free to come off anon and tell me to keep the messages private and I will. You’re going to be okay, I promise.
xx SF
So I have this problem. I was having sex with my boyfriend… and I mean we always have rough sex, but we don’t precisely have a keyword, when I say “No” or “Stop” that is enough and he stops, however this time I told him to slow down, because he was hurting me, he didn’t, and then I told him to stop. He didn’t. He actually did it more violently. He said “Now you’re fucked”. And now I feel this big guilt… Why? I feel it was my fault, and I’m extremely anxious, I don’t know how to calm down
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FallingUnderASpell 